Dave
03-12-2009, 23:52
I dont normally post jokes on here but this one tickled my funny bone...
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home
in Adelaide, South Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to
live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the
sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've
finally found my new home. I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem
though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun-worshipper.
September 30th - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants
today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do
people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than I
expected.
October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns
over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do!
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car
before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car
after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag
and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat
shit. I've earned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant f*ckin' blow
dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink
and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs
to order parts from f*ckin' Perth....
October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still
haven't arrived for the f*ckin' aircon. Been sleeping outside by the
pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go
inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets
the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it
feel about 30. Stupid repairman.
November 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to f*ckin' throttle him. F*ckin' heat! By the time I get to work,
the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking f*ckin' wet
and I smell like baked cat!
November 9 Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my f*ckin' arse
was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my
legs and my f*ckin' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse
and baked cat!
November 10 - Weather report! It might as well be a f*ckin' recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and f*ckin' sunny! It's been too hot
to do anything for two f*ckin' months and the weatherman says it might
really warm up next week.
November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f*ckin' place? Water
restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up
and blow into the f*ckin' pool. The only things that thrive in this
hell-hole are the f*ckin' flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear
of swallowing half a dozen of the fuckers!
November 20th - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 f*ckin' degrees today. Now
the air conditioner's gone in my car.. The repair man came to fix it and
said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I had to spend the $2,500 mortgage
payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid fucker. F*ckin'
Adelaide! What kind of sick, demented f*ckin' idiot would want to live
here!
December 1 -
WHAT!!!!
The first day of Summer!!!!
You are f*ckin' kidding!
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home
in Adelaide, South Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to
live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the
sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've
finally found my new home. I love it here.
September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem
though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun-worshipper.
September 30th - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants
today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do
people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than I
expected.
October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns
over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do!
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car
before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car
after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag
and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat
shit. I've earned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant f*ckin' blow
dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink
and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs
to order parts from f*ckin' Perth....
October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still
haven't arrived for the f*ckin' aircon. Been sleeping outside by the
pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go
inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets
the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it
feel about 30. Stupid repairman.
November 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to f*ckin' throttle him. F*ckin' heat! By the time I get to work,
the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking f*ckin' wet
and I smell like baked cat!
November 9 Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on
the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my f*ckin' arse
was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my
legs and my f*ckin' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse
and baked cat!
November 10 - Weather report! It might as well be a f*ckin' recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and f*ckin' sunny! It's been too hot
to do anything for two f*ckin' months and the weatherman says it might
really warm up next week.
November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f*ckin' place? Water
restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up
and blow into the f*ckin' pool. The only things that thrive in this
hell-hole are the f*ckin' flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear
of swallowing half a dozen of the fuckers!
November 20th - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 f*ckin' degrees today. Now
the air conditioner's gone in my car.. The repair man came to fix it and
said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I had to spend the $2,500 mortgage
payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid fucker. F*ckin'
Adelaide! What kind of sick, demented f*ckin' idiot would want to live
here!
December 1 -
WHAT!!!!
The first day of Summer!!!!
You are f*ckin' kidding!